


Cries Not Heard

by demonsnight



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Bullying, Cussing, Cutting, Eating Disorders, Frerard, Frikey, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, M/M, Romance, Self-Mutilation, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - M/M/M, Waycest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3260717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsnight/pseuds/demonsnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard and Mikey Way have been living in the same neighborhood their whole life. Gerard gets bullied every day, not only at school but at home as well. Gerard is the quiet kid at school who people pick on because of his choice of music and clothing tastes. His brother tries to do his best to protect his beloved brother but can’t always be there, especially when there’s a two year grade difference. Behind closed doors, Gerard and Mikey have a relationship beyond brotherhood. Trying to keep their love hidden from their homophobic parents and from the idiots at school, they struggle every day to keep up their appearances, some days more so than others. On one particular day, Gerard gets beaten badly and meets the new kid, Frank, who takes him to the nurse’s office. Quickly developing a crush on Frank, Gerard feels as though he’s losing his sanity. It’s becoming too much for him to handle. Will Mikey and Frank be able to keep Gerard from falling apart? Mikey, too, realizes that he also has a crush on Frank after getting a bit of help from said person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If I Ever See You Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for reading :) This is my first story on AO3 so if it sucks, sorry! I also have this posted on Wattpad and Mychemicalromancefanficton.com if you prefer that. Tell me what you think of my story, I love to read your thoughts and idea :D

Gerard’s POV

“Wake up, Gerard! We’re running late. I don’t want to get another lecture from Mum about how important school is!” Mikey called through the door.

Gerard groaned as he woke up. Sighing he got up from his bed and put on what appeared to be a somewhat clean looking band tee, his leather jacket, and a pair of black skinny jeans. Not bothering to take a shower, he ran his brush through his hair and applied eyeliner. Noting that he looked good to go once done with his morning routine his stole one last glance at his bed in longing before calling his brother to his room.

“Yes, Gerard?” Mikey looked perfect. Everything from his chocolate colored hair that perfectly framed his face to his adorable glasses, top that off with his beanie and a simple black tee, he was just the definition of perfection. 

Gerard brought Mikey into a hug before kissing him on the lip gently.

“Morning, beautiful.” He murmured against the other’s lips. He felt Mikey smile and arms wrap around him before he was pecked on the lips.

“Good morning, love.” Giving Gerard one last peck to the lips he turned around. “Come on, we wouldn’t want Mum to get worried and come up and find us.” Gathering his book bag and art supplies, they headed down together and grabbed a quick to-go breakfast. 

Walking to school was rather uneventful, to which Gerard was rather grateful for. He was sipping on my coffee while Mikey was eating a piece of bread. School was five minutes away and he was already dreading it. All the kids were utter asshats and decided to take out their problem on him, just because he looked different and knew that he wouldn’t fight back.

“Love, did you eat anything this morning?” Mikey looked over at Gerard concerned as he came out of his daze.

“Sorry?” He asked sheepishly.

“Did you eat?” Mikey repeated, his face blank.

Gerard looked at his feet. “Of course I did.” He mumbled.

“Gerard,” he sighed. “Please just eat a little at lunch today.” Gerard nodded with a jerk, his expression blank. He really didn’t want to gain what little weight he lost. He could see the outline of his stomach through his shirt and he really didn’t want to see himself fatter than he already was. 

Mikey was at a loss at what he could do to help his brother and lover. It pained him to see his brother suffering in such a way and the only thing he could do was to try and get him to see himself in a better light and to try and get him to eat. Mikey knew he was too light but trying to get Gerard to eat was like trying to get a bull to move when unwanted.

School quickly appeared in sight and they both let out a groan. Checking to see if anyone was near or watching, they gave a quick parting kiss before they started to play the part of brothers and nothing more. Gerard could already hear their taunting and feel the pain that was sure to come just as it does every day. 

Walking through the school gate, they bid their farewells and promises to meet u at lunch to each other before walking off to their respective classes. Gerard tried to get to his class as quick as possible, but it seemed that his tormentors were one step ahead of him as always. Pulling him up by his hair, a jock by the name of Jake whatever his last name was, slammed him into a locker before dragging him into the abandoned bathroom. Throwing Gerard to grimy floor of the bathroom, Jake and his friends circled around him, preventing any means of escape.

“Hey, faggot. Nice seeing you on the floor like that. Bet it gets you off, huh?” He delivered a swift kick to Gerard’s chest, an invite for all his little groupies to start in on him as well. Several hard punches to the jaw sent his vision swarming. His mind was slowly weathered down over the years of abuse from his peers and his pain intolerance has increased greatly because it but they always found a way to make it hurt more than it should. After the last few hit were delivered they all dusted themselves off, all leaving but Jake.

“Just remember fat-ass, don’t tell anybody, not even your precious Mikey.” Gerard’s breath hitched for a moment before rational thought entered his mind once more. He didn’t know about he and Mikey. They kept their secret so tightly locked that no one would ever know. It would be disastrous if they did know, deadly even.

Throwing one last punch to Gerard’s gut, Jake crackled and finally left.

Gerard felt on the verge of hyperventilation. Taking a few deep gulps of air, he slowly gets up from his position on the floor and lens on the wall. He noticed in one of the cracked mirrors of the bathroom that he was bleeding from his head and back rather hard. After cleaning himself up a bit, he limped out of the bathroom and stepped into the halls. He needed bandages before he lost too much blood but the walk to the nurse’s office was agonizingly slow and painful. Taking a second to lean against the wall to catch his breath, he was startled when he heard an abrupt gasp and footsteps rushing over to him. He didn’t even hear the footsteps arrive in the first place. He must be worse than he thought. 

Gerard felt some of the weight taken off his hurt leg and looked over to see a boy that couldn’t have been taller than 5’2 helping support his weight. The boy was cute he noted in the back of his mind before he felt his mind whirl and saw his vision blur. 

“You’re gonna be alright, you hear? I’m gonna take you to the nurse’s, just whatever you do, don’t pass out.” 

“You’ll be okay.” was the last thing he heard before slipped away into sweet nothingness.


	2. There Is A Hell, Believe Me I've Seen It

Frank’s POV

Frank groaned as he rushed out of bed and got ready for the day. Scurrying around to gather his things, he left his house with a quick goodbye to his mom. Though he left the house early, he didn’t want to be late on his first day and make a bad impression on his first day. No, that was for a later date. Besides, he just wanted to get school done and over with. 

Walking into the main office, he strode up to the secretary. “Um… hello. I’m here for my schedule?”

The lady who looked no older than thirty peered up at him than turned back to her computer. “Name?”

“Frank Iero.” He glanced at the woman nervously out of the corner of his eye. “Am I going to have to talk to the principal?” 

“No, just go to class.” She handed him the freshly printed schedule. “Off you go.”

Frank took the schedule and turned to leave. When he was sure the lady wasn’t looking at him he rubbed the warn paper to his face, sighing in contentment. As he walked through the empty halls trying to find his first class, he heard what sounded like pained grunts and pants accompanied with stumbling footsteps. Turning the corner to find the source of the sound, he’s met with the sight of a boy with shoulder length black hair and pain skin with crimson tracks running down his face, leaning against the wall. With a gasp, he shoved the paper into his pocket before running over to the boy. Putting his arm around him, he supported some of the dead weight he was carrying.

“You’re gonna be alright, you hear? I’m gonna take you to the nurse’s, just whatever you do, don’t pass out.” Frank became increasingly worried as he slowly led the boy to the nurse’s office. He could feel the boy swaying on his feet, eyes slowly drooping.

“You’ll be okay.” He felt the boy slump on him. In a panic, Frank got the boy in a better position and started to drag him to the nurse. Realizing he had no idea where the nurse was he had to stop and run over to a classroom. The closest room being art, he barged into the room, calling for the teacher to help.

“Excuse me, young man. What do you think you’re doing interrupting my class like this?” The man said in a stern voice.

“I need help, it’s an emergency!” The man sighed before turning to his class.

“The project is due next Tuesday. Get working.” Following Frank out, he quickly led him to the boy he found. When the teacher saw him, a gasp escaped him and he rushed over to the body.

“Gerard? I should have known something was wrong when you didn’t show up for class. You always show up, be it sick or hurt.” He glanced at the boy -now known as Gerard- with a sad expression before grabbing one side for support. Frank quickly ran up and supported Gerard’s other side. Making quick time, they rushed over to the nurse. Gerard was losing a lot of blood and it seemed as if the flow would never stop. When they arrived, Frank released the breath he never knew he was holding. Placing him on the cot, the nurse ran over and cleaned up his wounds before bandaging them. Frank watched on as a peaceful expression slid onto Gerard’s face, making him look angelic. He could clearly see how truly beautiful the boy was as he lay on the cot. The nurse walked up to Frank and said,

“Hone, you can’t stay here. You need to go to class. You can come back after school.” Frank nodded. Stealing one last glance at the beautiful boy in bed, he made his way to his first class, which just so happened to be art. He smiled.

After School

Mikey’s POV

As soon as the bell rang, Mikey ran over to the nurse’s office, pushing people out of the way as he went. He was normally all for mannerism and common curtesy but when his brother was injured and in pain, fuck it all. Anyone standing in the way will be run over. When he saw his brother sitting up in the cot, he smiled in relief. Checking to see no one was around, he wrapped his arms around his brother. 

“I love you, Gee.” He kissed Gerard, prodded his brother’s bottom lip asking for entrance. Gerard granted it and Mikey plunged in, coaxing his brother into a dance of tongues. Gerard released a moan as he wrapped his arm around his brother’s neck. 

“I love you too,” he panted before diving in again. 

Neither of the brothers heard the door open, or the slight gasp that followed. 

“Nice to see you’re doing better…” Mikey jumped off of Gerard before turning to see the owner of the voice. A boy mid-length black hair, hazel eyes, and a fierce blush stood in the doorway, said doorway wide open. Mikey pulled the boy in before shutting the door. 

“Who are you?” He glared at the kid. 

“I-I’m Frank. I came to check on the kid I brought here, Gerard was it?” He looked over to Gerard, who was covering his face in embarrassment and horror. “Are you okay?” Gerard just nodded. 

“Never tell anyone what you saw here today, got it?” Mikey demanded. 

“Y-yes.” Frank stammered. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but watching the two brothers making out turned him on greatly, even if he didn’t know that little fact at the time.

Gerard peaked up from his lap, and Frank found it utterly adorable. He could now see that he had beautiful, bright, hazel eyes. 

“Thank you, for helping me.” Gerard gave Frank a time, crooked smile, and Frank could have sworn, he’d just died of adorableness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Cred.- Crucify Me: Bring Me The Horizen


	3. I'm Nothing, Darkness Follows Me

Gerard’s POV

When Gerard got home, he immediately went to his bed. He felt as if it was calling for him and he had a dire need to take a long nap, hopefully never waking up. He knew that wouldn’t happen though. He could never leave Mikey. The thought of his beloved having any semblance of thoughts similar to his own, depressed and jaded, would tear him apart, be it in the afterlife or the next life.

As Gerard lay on his bed, he blankly stared at the ceiling, thoughts running through his mind at incredible speeds. His thoughts returned to the kid who saved him in the halls. He was short in a cute way and the tattoos scattered on his body were a major turn on. His thoughts soon turned south and the bad thoughts started to pop into his mind. He hasn’t seen him anywhere and he actually interacted with Gerard. If he didn’t know the unspoken rule of the “No interacting with Gerard Way unless to destroy his life.” that meant that he was new. This brought on a boat load of different thoughts, none the more pleasing. Gerard wanted to be friends or maybe even something more, but what if the boy, Frank as he recalled, didn’t like him? And he didn’t want to hurt Mikey. He loved his brother more than anything and he would be so lost without the love of his life. If Mikey left him, Gerard didn’t know if he could keep on living. He would be in such a dark place, he didn’t know if he would even be capable of getting out the hole he would have dug himself into. Even if they didn’t become more than friends, what if he didn’t like him enough to even amuse the thought. He probably disgusted him. Not only did he knew he was gay, but he also knew he was in a relationship with his brother. 

Gerard felt the tears well up in his eyes. Wiping his tears away, his mind went to the only thing that could bring peace to his mind other than his brother. Not wanting to bother his Mikey, he searched through his drawers of his dresser before pulling out a razor. Cradling the blade to his chest, he made his way back to his bed. Tears fell from his eyes as he raised the razor to his wrist and, without hesitation, added two deep cuts. Gerard watched in fascination as blood started to pool on his arms and drip down. Adding several more cuts and watching the scarlet pool grow larger for a few more minutes before getting up and bandaging his arm. He looked back at his bed and saw that his sheets were wet from blood that has escaped his arm. He was thankful that his sheets were black. He would wash them tomorrow. He lay back down on his bed before starting to feel the after effects of losing all the blood. Feeling woozy, he cried himself into unconsciousness, making sure to hide his arm so Mikey can’t accidently find out.

Tomorrow morning

Gerard woke up in a cold sweat the next morning. Apparently, not being able to escape the thoughts, he was dreaming about confessing to Frank, but he was rejected and violently beaten. When he went back home, Mikey had found out and broke up with him, saying he hated him and wanted him to die and end his misery. Gerard would do anything for Mikey if it would make him happy, so the next day when everyone was in class, Gerard went out to the cliffs and jumped into the shallow, rocky, cold sea, to end everyone’s misery. When looking down on Mikey when they found his body, he had n look of remorse, only resentment.

Taking deep breaths to calm himself, he looked at the clock. It was only 3:28 in the morning and Gerard knew he wouldn’t be able to go to sleep by himself. Gerard unwrapped his bandages and looked at his wrist with regret. He felt as if he was betraying Mikey but it felt as if it was the only thing that could help sometimes. Sometimes screaming into the pillow or a hug just isn’t enough. Looking at the deep red and purple, jagged scars that told of his struggles with life, the other arm having matching scars. Sighing, he took his coping mechanism and added three more cuts before replacing the old gauze with new and throwing on a random sleeping shirt; he made his way to Mikey’s room. Mikey still didn’t know about his bad habit and he was going to keep it that way for as long as possible. Taking a big breath, he knocked lightly on Mikey’s door. For the first few seconds, he heard nothing, but just as he was about to knock again, the door opened and there stood Mikey with a sleepy expression on his face. When he looked at him, his face immediately morphed into one of worry.

“What’s the matter? Bad night?” He murmured as he took his brother into an embrace. At those words, Gerard’s barriers fell and he let the tears he was trying so hard to hide from his brother flow. Giving a small nod, he sobbed into his brother’s neck. Mikey led him to his bed before lying the both of them down and spooned. Putting his chin on top of Gerard’s head, he asked quietly,

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gerard shook his head slightly before wrapping his arms around his brother and just took a moment to make sure this was real, that he wasn’t hallucinating it. Taking in the calming scent that could only be described as Mikey, he kissed Mikey’s chest before succumbing to sleep.

Mikey’s POV

Mikey watched as his brother slept in what looked like a peaceful sleep. Mikey took this time to get a proper look at the real Gerard without him concealing his actual state of health. Gerard had dark bag under his eyes, his hair was limp and greasy, and his skin was pale and clammy. He was worried about his brother and lover. He knew Gerard wasn’t okay but he wouldn’t drop his walls and let him help him. He just wanted his brother to know what happiness feels like again, but it feels like life has a vendetta against him. Kissing his forehead, Mikey held Gerard tighter before drifting off into a deep, dreamless sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Cred.- Ashley: Escape The Fate


	4. Yeah, You Bleed Just To Know You're Alive

Gerard’s POV

When Gerard woke up, he felt something, or someone, was missing. Feeling around, he realized that the other side of the bed was empty and cold. Deciding to get up and be on time to school for once, he got dressed, trying his hardest to not look at the scars that littered his body. Throwing a brush through his greasy hair and putting on some eyeliner, he made his way downstairs and into the kitchen where he walked up to Mikey, who was making breakfast, and gave him a quick hug from behind and a peck on the cheek. As Gerard made himself an extra-large mug of coffee (he felt he was going to need it to get by today), Mikey scurried to get four plates filled with eggs, hash browns, and bacon on the table. When Gerard turned back, he looked at the food in disgust and to Mikey with pleading eyes.

“Please, love. Just eat a bit of it, you had nothing to eat yesterday and I’m worried.” Mikey gave his brother a quick hug before rushing to sit down at the sound of stairs creaking. Gerard looked at Mikey and sighed.

“Okay.” He gave in. He didn’t want to worry his brother about his problems, that’s why he liked to keep his little habit from Mikey. Just as Gerard sat down at the table, their parents came in and sat at the table.

“The food looks good, son.” Their dad said.

“Thanks.” Mikey muttered.

Gerard ate a few bites before he started to feel sick. “Thanks for the food, lil bro.” He slapped on a fake grin as he got up to throw out the food. 

“What do you think you’re doing to the hard work your brother had put into the food? Unlike you, who never puts any effort into anything! How are your grades, Gerard? Are they straight A’s? How come you can’t get straight A’s like your brother?” His mother attacked him with insults.

Gerard had to take in big gulps of air, to try and calm down. They wouldn’t let him inject the answers to their questions or even defend himself.

“Why can’t you be more like Mikey?” Gerard broke. He dropped his plate, rushed to get his school things and ran out the door, tears running down his face.

Mikey’s POV

“Next thing you know he’ll be gay. I wouldn’t know what we would do if he was gay.”

“How dare you!” Mikey threw his dish in the sink and ran to get him things and catch up with Gerard. When he got out the door, he was nowhere to be seen. Mikey knew where he would fine Gerard once he got there. He started running towards school.

Gerard’s POV

He ran into the abandoned bathroom at school and locked myself in one of the stalls. Sitting on the toilet, he wrapped his arms around his knees and cried. He didn’t think Mikey or his parents realized this, but he heard their last comment. Gerard felt as if he couldn’t breathe. Did no one want him? Was he worth less than the dirt on the bottom of their shoes? His whole existence was just a fucking waste, filling up the empty space, when someone actually useful and wanted could be using it instead. He was a burden on everybody who has the displeasure to meet him.

Feeling around his backpack, he found he blade. Taking off his pants, he quickly added several more deep cuts to his collection on his thighs. Tears mixed with blood as Gerard made haste to clean up the blood. He thought he heard footsteps outside and he didn’t want anybody figuring out his secret. Thank God his skinny jeans were black. Quickly pulling he pants up, he winced as the rough fabric rubbed up against his fresh cuts. Grabbing his stuff, he made hast to get out of the stall. Just as he was about to exit the bathroom, someone hand grabbed his arm. He nearly passed out in fright.

Frank’s POV

He really had to pee. Like… now. If he didn’t find a bathroom soon without loads of horny teenagers he was going to piss himself, and he didn’t fancy the idea of walking around the campus and going through classes with wet, disgusting pants smelling of piss. When he finally found a bathroom with almost no one in it, he nearly cried of relief. As he was entering the stall, he heard someone rushing out of theirs. Being the nosy person he was, he wanted to check them out. He didn’t expect the person to be the one he had helped yesterday. He looked horrible. His skin was pale and eyes red and puffy. He was also favoring one leg over the other but he shrugged it off. He probably fell and hurt himself by accident. Surely nothing big happened. Wanting to see if the other was alright, he made a grab for his arm, the need to pee gone.

“Are you okay?” As stupid as the question was, it was one that was clearly needed to be asked. He obviously wasn’t okay, and that wasn’t alright. He needed someone to talk to and Frank’s bathroom break could wait for a few more moments.

Gerard just shook his head and kept looking at the floor. He didn’t want to look at his would-be attacker. Frank, realizing what was going through the other’s head, said,

“Hey, it’s me from the other day. Frank.” He said with a slight smile.

Gerard expression automatically lifted at the news of the fact that he wasn’t going to be beaten again, but fell after a look of deep thought passed. Gerard shook his head slightly before pulling away from Frank’s touch.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” Frank probed gently. Gerard looked conflicted, trying to decide whether to talk to him or not. He apparently made his decision when he said,

“Too much.” Blunt.

“Would you like to expand on that?”

He just sighed. He took a deep breath before beginning. “My parents are homophobic assholes.” He sniffed. Wow, blunt as ever. 

“Wait a minute, homophobic… what does that? …Oh…” He said as he finally figured out what the boy was saying.

“Yeah… oh.” He spat. “They like to compare me to my brother and point out how worthless I am. They don’t even know I’m gay, and they’re already to make my life more of a living hell.” Tears began to well up in Gerard’s eyes again. He rubbed his eyes furiously trying to seem strong when it was obvious he was anything but. 

Frank sighed as he took the boy into an embrace and let him cry his problems away. Swaying back and forth in a comforting way, he gently patted the other’s back and whispered sweet nothings into his ear. He felt bad for the boy. 

Too caught up in their moment, neither boy heard the bathroom door open. A voice piped up angrily,

“What the fuck is going on here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Cred.- Iris: Goo Goo Dolls


	5. I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it sucks.

Gerard’s POV

 

Gerard looked up at the disturbance and gasped in shock. Getting up quickly, he pushed Frank off him and to tried to explain to his brother.

 

“Mikey, please let me explain.” Gerard pleaded to his brother.

 

“How.” Mikey asked monotonously. “Why? I thought you loved me? What happened to always sticking with each other? Was everything you promised to me a lie? Why should I believe a single thing that you tell me at the moment?!” Mikey was nearly shouting at the end, breaking his composure that he took pride in. Tears were welling up in his eyes as he tried to blink them away.

 

Gerard looked hopeless as he tried to explain the whole scene that could have looked like something out of a story. “After the whole Mum and Dad incident, I ran to school and hid in the bathroom and Frank, he just came in and saw and tried to comfort me. I swear! I’m not cheating, this I promise with my life.” Gerard was near tears. He didn’t know what he would do if Mikey had left him.

 

Mikey watched as the whole scene unravelled itself. He could see Frank had moved to the corner of the bathroom and was watching everything with a sad look. He knew he was the cause of all this and he was guilty. Mikey let his expression soften as he walked over to his brother, who was now openly crying. He went through a lot today and Mikey had a feeling if he was in his shoes, he would cry too.

 

Gerard’s eyes widened as he felt his brother’s arms wrap around his shivering body. He looked up at his brother’s face and saw that Mikey was smiling down at him. Gerard returned the hug, never wanting to let go. If he was being honest, Mikey was probably the only reason he was still alive today.

 

Pulling Gerard closer to him, Mikey whispered in his ears, “It’s okay, I believe you.” Gerard smiled as he kissed Mikey on the lips, happy that his brother believed him. At least someone in his life had faith in him.

 

Frank’s POV

 

Frank watched on as the two brothers made up for the misunderstanding. A part of Frank felt jealous that he didn’t have what the other two had. He couldn’t deny that he held an undeniable attraction to Gerard and maybe even a slight crush on his brother. He wished that he could join in but he didn’t want to the reason that the two broke up and never spoke again, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t remain friends for however long it may last.

 

Frank sighed and turned away from the brothers, giving them the privacy that they deserve. Mikey looked up from his brother and over to Frank. He looked so lonely and Mikey couldn’t help but link it to Gerard when he was at school with no one to talk to. It was rather heartbreaking. He walked over to Frank and pulled him into a tight embrace.

 

“Thank you for looking after my brother. I’m sorry for all the trouble I have put you through.” Frank looked up in shock.

 

“No problem, anytime. I just hope that we could possibly be friends?”

 

“Of course.” Mikey smiled slightly. “Why don’t we all go to first period. What’s your first period, Frank?”

 

“Art.” 

 

“Oh, you’re in the same class as me.” Gerard piped up, grinning widely. “I won’t be the lover anymore.” He silently cheered. Frank smiled at the cute scene before him before berating himself. He couldn’t have the older brother, he couldn’t ruin a relationship like that.

 

Hoisting Gerard off the ground, they made their way to the art room. When they entered the room, Frank was surprised to say the least. The teacher he had barged in earlier to help Gerard was his teacher. they said goodbye to Mikey before Gerard grabbed his hand and dragged him to the back of the classroom. Sitting at a table with no one at it. Frank didn’t think that Gerard noticed that he could see everyone giving him dirty glares and throw insults at him under their breath. After they sat down, Frank moved to get Gerard’s attention.

 

“Gee?” Gerard turned to look at him, eyebrow raised.

 

“Gee?” He repeated in a questioning tone.

 

“D-do you n-not like it? It’s just a nickname. If you don’t like it, I won’t ever use it again.”

 

“No, no. I love it, it’s cute. It’s just… I never had a nickname and it was kind of a shock to hear me being called something other than... the usual.” Frank had a feeling he knew what Gerard was talking about. Deciding now was the time, he decided to bring up the topic.

 

“Why… why was everybody looking at you with what looked to be disgust?” He asked quietly. Gerard didn’t answer for a while, and Frank was beginning to to believe that he either didn’t hear him or ignored him. After what seemed like a lifetime but in reality only minutes, Gerard spoke.

 

“I’m… unlikable. They some how all found out I’m gay and because of that they tease me. They know I won’t fight back and I’ll keep quiet, so I’m the perfect target. I only have one other friend, the only friend I have ever had, so the best thing to do in scenarios such as that, is to keep quiet. Try to ignore it. Nothing good ever comes of fighting back, trust me I know.” Gerard turned his gaze away from Frank and stared at the wall for a few moments before redirecting his gaze to Frank again. “If you want, I can introduce you to Ray at lunch.”

 

Frank was trying his hardest to contain his anger. Smiling a little forcibly, he nodded and said, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

Gerard’s face broke into a huge grin. Taking out his notebook, he began to sketch as the teacher was giving instructions. Drowning out the directions, he shielded his sketch from Frank’s prying eyes, every so often his eyes flicking from his paper to Frank then back again. Frank couldn’t be sure if he was sketching him or not but it was safe to assume he was. It was rather cute when he thought of it.

 

“You do realise we have a project due Tuesday, right?” He asked, amused.

 

Gerard’s eyes snapped up to his. “Huh?”

 

“Yeah, if you paid any attention to what was said, you would have realized we had a project.”

 

He just kinda stared at Frank for a while before the words registered into his brain. “Oh shit.”

 

“Oh shit, indeed.”

 

“What are we doing it on?” He asked quietly, not wanting the teacher to discover he was, yet again, doing his own thing and completely ignoring what he had to say.”

 

Frank rolled his eye and just smiled. “All we have to do is make a portrait of how you portray yourself.” Frank started to get a bit worried when he saw Gee’s eyes glaze over. Gerard quickly snapped out of it.

 

“Excuse me, I need to talk to the teacher.” He gave Frank a tight lipped smile before he ran off. 

Frank had a feeling he knew why Gerard went to talk to the teacher, and he had a feeling he didn’t like it. He would figure out the enigma that is Gerard and slowly work his way to opening him up. He made this his new mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Cred.- I'm Not Okay (I Promise): My Chemical Romance


	6. In the Moment That You Start to Fall, Are You Comfortable?

Gerard’s POV

Gerard walked up to the teacher who understood him the most. He didn’t compare him to other students, saying that they had problem and they still do it, you’re no exception. He knew what was going on with Gerard and did what he could to help his situation, however small it may be. 

Gerard looked the teacher straight in the eyes.

“Mr. Carlile, I heard we had a project due Tuesday?” He gave a small nod in understanding.

“Yes. You, of course, can choose a different topic to draw about, if you wish. Just draw something that interests you or inspires you. You can even draw or paint a classmate.” Gerard flashed the teacher a small, soft smile before murmuring quietly so the other students couldn’t hear what he was saying. 

“Thank you, Austin. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have you to lean on.” Flashing another small smile, he went back to his seat by Frank and took out his sketch pad. Twirling his pencil in his fingers, he thought of everything he could sketch. Everything his mind came up with was dark, frightening, and would probably get him reported for questionable sanity. His mind was suddenly drawn to the dark haired boy sitting next to him. He glanced at Frank from the corner of his eyes when he thought he wasn’t looking. He thought about the tattoos that litter his body, his body acting as a human canvas. Gerard wished he could get a tattoo, but his fear of needles was too great to even step through the parlor. He didn’t even have enough guts to get his ears pierced. The thought honestly depressed him. He looked over the delicate yet still masculine features of his face and thought about how great it would be to have an opportunity to draw him. 

Gerard only just noticed his staring when Frank glanced at him and caught him in the act. He tore his eyes from Frank, favoring staring at the floor instead, a rather intense blush painting across his face. 

He decided he would draw Frank when at lunch. It’s not as if he eats anyway. It gave him another perfect excuse as to why he’s not eating. It went hand in hand with the disgusting school lunches. He was sure Frank wouldn’t question him; after all, it was common to see kids not eating at school.

He felt his anxiety spike as he considered different ways of Frank finding out. He suddenly felt all the glares directed his way and put his head between his arms as he tried to block out the negative thoughts and emotions, but it was too much. He felt sick… physically sick. He tried to hold it in so he wouldn’t become a target, but it became too much. He quickly excused himself from the table and ran out the door and towards the abandoned bathrooms where he release the contents of his stomach.

Frank’s POV

Frank thought it was cute how Gerard was staring at him. He was even cuter when he averted his gaze and developed an intense blush. But his face was suddenly void of emotion and his leg started to bounce in a way that one only did when nervous. His face had paled drastically and he hid his face in the comfort of his arms. He then stood suddenly, muttered his apologies, and ran out. Frank didn’t know what happened. Everything was fine and suddenly Gerard had fled the class.

He was worried. No, he was beyond worried. Gerard looked like he was sick and he didn’t trust the assholes at this school. He didn’t want Gerard to get injured again because of some arrogant douche.

Shoving his things into his bag quickly he tried to act normal as he walked up to the teacher’s desk. He could hear the other students’ snickers. It pissed him off, but he kept his mask on and kept his outward appearance calm and collected, even though on the inside he was a raging storm.

“I’m going to find Gerard.” he whispered to the teacher. He gave a nod and said,

“Check the abandoned bathrooms. He always goes there for the sake of comfort and safety.” he muttered. Frank nodded and walked out of class. When the door shut behind him, he ran like hell. He had a feeling he knew where the abandoned bathroom was. Running to where he found Gerard earlier that day. By the time he got there, he was panting, out of breath. He gently opened the door and peered in, not wanting to scare Gerard. He took a few tentative steps in and heard gagging noises. His steps became more confident as he moved to the stall where the noises were the loudest. Peering in, he saw Gerard hunched over the toilet, spilling his guts.

“Oh, Gee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Cred.- Start To Fall: Get Scared


	7. The Nightmare Is Slowly Taking Over

Frank’s POV

Frank watched Gerard, pity clearly shown in his shiny, hazel orbs, as he held Gerard’s hair so it didn’t fall in his mess as he emptied his stomach. He didn’t know what happened to make Gerard react this way, but he knew he was going to find out, no matter the cost. Frank pulled out Gerard’s phone and began texting Mikey while Gerard was washing his mouth out in the school sink.

hey, this is frnk. can you come to the regular bathrooms? Gees in here sick and i want you to tlk to him. i don’t think he wnts to tlk to me.

It took a few minutes for Mikey to reply, probably due to being in class, but it came.

Yeah, I’ll be there in a few. Make sure he doesn’t do anything rash.

Frank sent him an affirmative and shoved the phone in his pocket. Frank paused for a second before taking the phone out and putting both Gerard’s and Mikey’s number in his phone. Shoving the phone into his pocket for the second time, he turned his attention to Gerard. Getting his first real look at Gerard, he had to fight the flinch from shock. Gerard looked horrible. There was no way around it. He had dark bags under his eyes, no doubt from the stress he’s been under these past few days, and his hair was greasy. His face was sunken in and his from looked to skinny to be healthy, but Frank shrugged it off as his imagination. He only just met the boy, for all he knew this could be his normal appearance. He didn’t want to look like he was bullying him. His skin was sweaty and hot. Bruises peaked out from under his clothes and now that Frank was looking hard enough, he could see the scars that littered his body.

Mikey rushed into the room and swept his brother into a hug, pressing a kiss into his greasy, ebony hair. 

“What’s the matter, babe?” Mikey asked, his tone soft and loving.

“I don’t want to discuss this in front of company.” Gerard murmured into Mikey’s ear. Mikey looked over at Frank apologetically and said,

“I’m sorry, but can you wait outside? I’m afraid he won’t talk to me unless we’re completely alone.” Frank gave a small nod in understanding. It hurt to think that Gerard didn’t trust him with his secret, but he mustn’t forget that he only just met Gee. He trudged his way outside, making sure to keep out of the sight of the teachers. 

Gerard’s POV

I stared myself in the mirror after washing my mouth out. I looked disgusting. How could my brother have ever seen anything in me? Not only was I ugly, fat, and a fucking moron, but I was also a waste of space and a burden. And how could I like someone when I have the love of my life right there? Either way, he wouldn’t want to date a nobody like me. There are a million other people, far better than me that could make him happy. There was no way that someone with bad grades, who self-harms and was suicidal. Gerard’s thoughts were zooming around his head, a mile a minute, a storm raging on in his head. The makings of a headache began to make itself known. 

And for a second, those feelings were gone, replaced with a warm, strong embrace, fighting the negative thoughts. 

“What’s the matter, babe?” Mikey’s voice relaxed me, bringing him back from the darkest corners of my mind.

He looked Mikey straight in the eye. “I don’t want to discuss this in front of company.” Frank left with a nod of his head. He felt bad for practically kicking Frank out, even though he was the one to comfort him in his times of need. He felt like he had betrayed Frank, and because of that, he was a vile, disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human - if he could even be called that.

He was once again shaken from his thoughts by a gentle nudge to his side.

“Now, what’s up?” Mikey asked, gently.

Gerard glanced away, not wanting to answer the question, but knowing he couldn’t avoid it. “I had a nervous breakdown in the middle of class. Became physically sick.” he forced out.

Mikey looked at his brother, silently demanding a more thorough answer.

“I-I was scared of Frank finding out about my problems. I was on such a happy track, and then, God, the only thing on my mind were the possible way he could find out about my eating problem. I grew terrified. I felt trapped and cornered and sick. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it. I escaped the prying eyes of the students and ran into the bathroom to release the contents of my stomach.” Gerard once again looked Mikey in his eyes, “I hate being sick, and defenseless, and dependent. I can’t do anything for myself.” he whispered.

Mikey pecked Gerard softly on the lips before picking him up and cradling him to his chest. “Do you want to go home?” Gee gave a shaky, yes. “I can see if Frank can come over too, if you want. Would you like that?” Mikey talked, almost as if Gerard was five again. He didn’t want to shatter the already fragile soul. Gerard nodded into Mikey’s shoulder before pressing a kiss onto his lips. Smiling, he rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes. He was exhausted. Mikey smiled as he watched his brother fall asleep in his eyes. Adjusting Gerard into a better position, he walked out to meet Frank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Cred.- The Show Must Go On: Famous Last Words


	8. Not Sure How Much I Can Endure, And Death Is Knocking At My Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Cred.- Dead Inside: Youth In Revolt

Gerard’s POV

 

When Gerard had woken up, he was in the familiar confines of his warm. The once cold feeling that settled deep in his chest had become warm. Gerard sighed peacefully before unwillingly getting out of bed. All he wanted to do was get a day’s worth of sleep, or maybe just never wake up, but he had to keep strong. As soon as his feet met the floor, his body crumpled to the floor. Groaning, he got up and threw himself back on his bed. It was obvious that he wasn’t able to be going anywhere any time soon.

 

Frank’s POV

 

When Mikey and Frank heard a rather loud thud from downstairs, they shot up from their positions on the couch and raced downstairs. Without knocking, they burst into the basement and was met with the sight of Gerard lying in an awkward position on his bed, legs dangling off the side. Mikey rushed over to help Gerard while Frank was watching the interaction, feet glued to the spot. 

 

“Are you okay, babe?” Mikey said hurriedly as he put Gerard into a more comfortable position and tucked him in. Gerard gave a weak shake of the head and pointed to his head.

 

“I-I need a couple of advil. I h-hit my head.” Gerard croaked, his throat sore from being sick earlier that day and not having the time to recover. Mikey nodded before kissing his forehead and running upstairs to fetch the medicine and a glass of icy water. Frank and Gerard remained in an awkward silence, both awaiting the return of Mikey. Frank looked over at the mess that was called Gerard. To be honest, his looks have worsened since the bathroom incident that took place a few hours ago. He still had rather large, dark bags under his eyes and his skin was extremely pale, sickenly so. His eyes were red and make-up smudged. To put it simply, he looked terrible. 

 

Frank walked over to his bed and was debating on whether hugging him was to intimate or not and didn’t want to cause trouble. Frank placed a hand on his shoulder, deciding that was the safest option. He gripped Gerard firmly in a comforting manner, silently telling him all will be okay. Gerard glanced up at him and tried his best to give a smile in thanks, but to Frank, it looked more that a grimace of pain. Gerard slowly lifted his hand and placed it on Frank’s before letting it drop and falling back on his pillow. 

 

Mikey came back into the room with his composure regained and handed Gerard two pills and a cool glass of water.

 

Gerard quietly thanked him, his voice cracking due to pain. He quickly downed the pills and the rest of the water before handing the cup back to Mikey who placed it on the nightstand for the time being. 

 

“Are you feeling any better?” Frank decided to speak up for once, finally having enough of soaking up the tense and awkward atmosphere. 

 

Gerard merely shrugged and his eyes drooped. Mikey and Frank got the message and left, MIkey with the cup in hand. As they were leaving, Gerard mumbled quietly, thinking no one would hear. 

 

“I just wanna sleep and never wake up.”

 

Frank’s eyes widened as he heard what he could only assume he wasn’t supposed to. He didn’t know if Mikey heard him or not, but he would find out. Mikey led Frank up to his room and shut the door behind them. He took a seat on his bed while Frank took a seat in the desk chair. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Frank decided to finally speak up.

 

“Did… did you hear what he said as we left?” Frank asked, voice laced with worry and fear. Mikey looked up at him and shook his head.

 

“No, what?”

 

“He… he said that he… h-he wanted to go to sleep… and never wake up.” Frank finally spit out. Mikey looked up at him, eyes wide.

 

“Are you sure he wasn’t just talking about being extremely tired? A lot of people want to just sleep all the time. Maybe this was one of those times?” Mikey was starting to panic. Frank had never seen Mikey this emotional unless with Gerard and to be Frank -pun not intended- it scared him.

 

“I don’t know…” 

 

“Let’s just watch him for a few days and see how he acts and all. I don’t want to get worked up and worried over nothing.” Even though I will anyway, ran through Mikey’s mind.

 

Frank sighed.

 

“Deal, I can do that.”

He only wished he was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to the All Time Low concert yesterday, and it was awesome. All the bands were great and everyone at the venue was amazing. Issues had a Pokémon theme going on and they played the theme song and literally the whole venue sang together in sweet harmony. Jack made dick jokes about blow-up aliens and ATL danced to Uptown Funk. And guess who was at the concert playing?!?!?! Mikey Fucking Way!!!!


	9. I'm Just a Would've Been, Could've Been, Should've Been, Never Was, and Never Ever Will Be

Gerard’s POV

 

Gerard woke up a couple of hours later. Their parents were still not home, and for that he was grateful. He hated being judged and hiding every moment he was in his parents sight. He made his way downstairs and into the kitchen where he then grabbed a bottle of cold water from the fridge. He found his brother and Frank sitting in the living room watching Teen Titans. Taking a gulp of his water, he sat beside Mikey and held his hand.

 

“Hey,” he said.

 

“Welcome back to the land of the living.” came Mikey’s sarcastic reply. Yeah, great to be back. Gerard thought with just as much sarcasm. He mentally sighed. Frank looked over at him.

 

“Hey, man, you feeling better?” Gerard nodded. Who cared that it might have been a slight lie? His head was still pounding and Gerard found it becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate on what’s happening around him. He laid his head on his brother’s shoulder, gripping his hand tighter. He shut his eyes as he let his mind wander, his imagination to roam free.

 

Mikey’s POV

 

Frank looked at Mikey. They were keeping a closer eye on Gerard, picking out things that they couldn’t before. They spotted little things he did, acted, responded. Mikey broke the eye contact in favor of turning his gaze to his beloved brother. He nudged his brother’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, Gee, what’s the matter?” Mikey could tell something was bothering him.

 

“Just a migraine,” Gerard replied. “nothing to fuss about.”

 

“I’ll get you some pain killers, just relaxed.” He smiled at his brother before kissing the top of his head and getting up.

 

“You really don’t have to. I’ll be fine, I’ll live.” he called.

 

“It’s not a problem.” he tried to comfort him. Mikey walked into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of Advil and an apple. He decided to use Frank as an advantage and get Gerard to eat. If he didn’t want Frank to find out his little problem with eating, he will eat this. It should be easy on his stomach. Stepping back into the living room, he handed the pills to Gerard. 

 

“Thanks,” he said, quickly downing the pills. He didn’t even notice the apple in his hand. Mikey mentally groaned. He hoped his brother wouldn’t put up a fight.

 

“Here.” He flashed the apple in front of his face. Gerard’s face scrunched up in disgust for a split second before he recomposed himself. 

 

“I’m not hungry at the moment, Mikey.” His eyes darted to Frank before landing back on Mikey. He knew what his brother was playing at, and he didn’t appreciate the effort.

 

“It’s just as apple, it won’t kill you,” Mikey sassed. “Besides, you missed lunch today, I want at least something in your stomach.” Mikey put on hand on his hip and raised a single eyebrow. “Oh,” he added, “Ray should be here any-” The doorbell rang.

 

“And there he is.” Mikey smirked at Gerard before making his way to the door. He opened with door for Ray then stepped aside to let him in. 

 

“Hey, man,” Ray greeted him.

 

“Hey, we’re watching teen titans in the living room. Care to join?”

 

“Hell yeah.” Teen titans was one of their favorite childhood shows. It was a shame they canceled it and replaced it with TTG. Mikey lead Ray back to the living room to which Ray promptly threw himself and the comfy couch, sighing as he let the softness overtake his senses for a few seconds before turning his attention to the tv and watching in rapt attention.

 

Gerard glared at Mikey, one that neither Frank nor Ray could decipher, and grabbed the shiny, red apple, taking a loud bite. The rest of the day was spent watching a Teen Titans marathon, Gerard glaring at nothing while trying to convince himself that he didn’t need to purge, that the apple only has about a hundred calories -but in his mind it was a hundred too much-, and just being goofballs. Ray and Frank only went home when the brother’s parents came home from work. Gerard avoided them, not attending the family dinner, and instead staying in his room. He was comfortable there. He spent the time trying to keep the food in his stomach, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. 

 

“I can do it,” he encouraged himself quietly. He knew that he need food to survive, but the question was, did he really want to live?

 

“I can do it.”

 

As soon as dinner was done Mikey ran down to the basement. He wanted to spend time with his lover, his one and only, just the two of them. With Gerard’s depression, things were a bit hard to handle, so he took what ever time he could to find alone with his brother. When he entered the basement, he found Gerard laying on his bed. Mikey went over to join, lying down gently beside him.

 

“Hey, love.” He kissed his forehead.

 

“Hey, babe,” he mumbled back. Mikey could tell he was tired. It was a difficult day for him, for them all. 

 

“I’m so proud of you.”

 

“What for?”

 

“For eating,” Mikey said, moving Gerard’s fringe out of his face, and lightly pecking his lips.

 

“Wasn’t like I did it willingly,” he grumbled sourly.

 

“But you still did it, and for that I’m happy.” He wrapped his arms around Gerard. “How are you feeling?

 

“Okay…” It was a lie. His mind was all over the place, not being able to stay on one subject of which none were good. He didn’t want to bother Mikey with his problems. He would gladly lie if it meant he would worry less. Mikey observed his brother. He didn’t look okay, physically or mentally, but it may just be the fact that he could possibly be over analyzing everything. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

 

“You look tired, why don’t we rest for a while. If our parents catch us, we’ll just use the nightmare excuse, okay? I love you, babe.” Mikey kissed him on the lip gently, smiling as he held him tighter.

 

“G’night, love,” Gerard mumbled, snuggling into the crook of Mikey’s neck. They remained this way, in each other’s arms and and sleeping, for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title cred.- And The Snakes Start To Sing: Bring Me The Horizen; Triggering


	10. I'm Dying in a Nightmare

Gerard’s POV

 

The rest of the week went the same. His parents was always comparing him to Mikey, his torturers still managing to beat him no matter how hard Mikey tried to protect him, and his interest in Frank growing. He spent his free time crying in his room when he thought no one was near to hear, and completing his painting for art. He had finished it Thursday, and it was now Friday. Ray and Frank were going to be coming over and spending the weekend tonight. They were to arrive at around eight at night. Gerard didn’t was his room looking like the mess it normally is, so he decided to try and tame the piles upon piles of art supplies, art, and comics, and tried to pile them neatly on his bookshelves and desk. He didn’t accomplish much since it was still a disaster, but at least it looked a bit better than it did just flung everywhere. He picked up the random pieces of trash from the floor, and made his bed. They were most likely going to hangout in his room since it’s bigger than Mikey’s and they didn’t want Mrs. and Mr. Way to be around while hanging out. They would just grab a bunch of blankets and pillows, and make a fort on the floor where they would all sleep. They did it before when it was just Ray, Mikey, and he. This time the only difference was their new friend, Frank. 

 

He didn’t bother to go up to socialize with his brother and parents. He knew that if his brother needed him, he would come to him himself. His anxiety was at sky high. He didn’t know how he would be able to handle hiding his lack of intake of food. It would have been easy to hide not eating a single meal, but he would be hiding six meals, not to mention he would have to decline all the snacks that the boys would be eating. It was a worrisome situation. How could he get out of it? His mind wandered to one possible solution. It was something that would put his brother at ease too which made that much more appealing. He could simply eat a little to give the illusion of him being well, and to Mikey, getting better. But once he was alone, or just gave an excuse, he would go to the bathroom, and purge himself of the toxins called food. This was the only option, the safest, he decided.

 

Time flew by, and soon it was six o’clock. He managed to not eating anything tonight, using the upset stomach excuse, a classic if he might add. He was already tired. He had no energy to do anything, but he had to at least act like he did. He knew it was from the lack of food, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. If it meant getting thinner, he would do whatever it takes to become the best he can for Mikey. Mikey just doesn’t understand is all. One day, he will understand all that Gerard has done for him, and he will be so grateful and happy. Gerard just had to wait for that day to come.

 

Gerard spent so much time thinking that time flew by, and before he knew it, the clock rang eight. It was only a matter of time before they would arrive. He threw a brush through his hair, and fixed his make-up. The doorbell rang while he was straightening out his clothes. He rushed to get and put on his favorite leather jacket to hide his scars. He wasn’t proud of what he had done, and he had no intentions of ever letting anyone find out about his destructive habit. He gave himself a once over in the mirror before deciding he looked as ugly as ever. He sighed to himself. He didn’t know what Mikey saw in him, he was just grateful to have him, even though he knew he didn’t deserve him. He could have a nice future with a wife and a family. It was what was accepted in today’s society. She would be able to give him kids, something that he could never do. She would be beautiful unlike him. They would be able to have an open relationship, something that Gerard just would never be able to provide for Mikey. He sighed once more to himself before his inner thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

 

“Come in,” he said softly. Mikely led the three in. Frank, being the last in, gently shut his door. “Hey!” he greeted with a forced grin. His mind was anything, but cheery at the moment. It was a dark place, and a storm was brewing.

 

“Hey,” Ray greeted back with Frank awkwardly waving behind him. Mikey took his place beside him, and took Gerard’s hand in his, kissing him gently on the cheek. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Gerard leaning on Mikey until Ray spoke up,

 

“So, uh… what should we do?” Mikey and Gerard smirked at each other.

 

“Perhaps we should show him our awesome skills, don’t you think, Mikey?”

 

“I agree, Gee.” Ray looked at them like they were crazy, but knew what they were talking about. Five minutes later, there was a giant fort of blankets and pillows. 

 

“Dude, this is awesome!” Frank said with a big grin on his face, jumping in the fluffy pile.

 

“Feel free to grab a comic,” Gerard said. Frank took a few minutes to browse the comics before finally settling on one. He walked back over to the fort, and plopped down. A few minutes later, Mikey spoke up.

“Hey, guys, I’m going to get some snacks and drinks, want some?” Ray and Frank gave their affirmative, and Gerard just smiled, trying to make it look like he was enjoying himself and wanted to eat. He could feel his jaw tighten as he watched Mikey leave to get the food, and he could feel the sting in his eyes that was associated with tears. It was clear that the battle had already begun, now he just had to keep up a good act. He discreetly wiped away his tears before burrowing in his pile. He had a feeling this weekend was going to be a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title Cred.: The Worst Of Them - Issues


	11. To Love and Despise Will Become Your Demise

Gerard’s POV

 

When Gerard woke up the next day, he was snug in between Frank and Mikey. He felt his chest warm, and mind was fuzzy. He liked this feeling, he decided. It felt like he belonged there. Gerard blushed heavily as he quickly got up, and headed to the bathroom. He couldn’t deny his attraction for Frank, but he was in a relationship with his brother -who he loved deeply- and didn’t want to be selfish by taking on another lover. He couldn’t do that to him. He decided the best thing to do would be to push his feelings to the back of his mind, and act as normal as possible.

 

Gerard was right when he thought that this hangout was going to be a problem. Everytime he denied food, Ray and Frank would look at him strangely. What teenager wouldn’t eat food? This one, Gerard answered in his mind. He gently combed his finger through his hair, ridding himself of the knots. Gerard could feel the familiar itch on his wrist. It was all becoming too much, too quickly. He wondered if he could get away with cutting. He didn’t want to be caught, and there were so many opportunities. He grabbed one of his many blades, and gazed at it. It would be just one cut… just one. He weighed his options. Sighing, he set the blade down, and headed back to his room where he quietly grabbed a pair of skinny jeans and a Green Day t-shirt. Everyone else was still asleep, so he tried to be as quiet as possible. He headed back to the bathroom where he proceeded to set down his clothes, and turn the shower on. He stripped down, grabbed his razor, and hopped in the shower. He turned the temperature the highest it would go, enjoying the burn the water brought him. Slowly, he washed his greasy hair, lathering it with soap before rinsing, then scrubbed his body clean. He scrubbed harder and harder, enjoying the sting it brought him. He deserved the pain. He deserved it for causing his brother worry, for burdening his family, for being a pain in the ass… for existing.

 

He eyed the razor. He picked it up and brought it to his face with an expression of utter sadness. Just one cut, that would be all it would take. You deserve this, he reminded himself. You must never forget that. He could feel the itch in his arm getting stronger, and he was desperate to relieve himself of it. The burning of the water and the stinging of the excessive rubbing wasn’t enough. He wanted more, needed more!

 

He twisted the blade in his hand, the metal glinting in the light. Slowly, he raised the blade to his wrist, and placed the tip to his arm. He dragged the razor across his arm, gasping in a mixture of pain, relief, and delight. He watched in morbid fascination as blood welled up from the cut, and pooled on his arm. He watched as it inched its way down his arm before slowly dripping off his elbow and into the water. He watched as the blood would slowly diffuse into the water before being sucked up into the drain. He felt the itch return to his now bleeding, crimson covered arm. It wasn’t enough. One cut just wasn’t enough. He raised the blade to his arm once more before adding another gash, and another. Before he knew it, he had four deep cuts scattered on his arm. Blood was now quickly flowing, and dripping of his arm, the water becoming a pale pink. He turned the water off, and quickly got out, grabbing a bloodied cloth that he kept hidden from Mikey and his parents. The blood was from past sessions of cutting. The blotches of red ranged from deep, dark red -almost brown- to scarlet from recent sessions. He ignored the stain in favor of using the cloth to stop the bleeding. Applying pressure to the wounds, he searched through the bathroom for stuff to clean the wounds, gauze, and tape. He took off the cloth, and rinsed the blood of his hand before applying Neosporin. He didn’t want them to get get infected. It would be just another liability. He already had many more cuts than he expected. He dressed the cuts before quickly getting dressed. He put on his jacket, and rinsed as much of the blood out of the cloth as he could before wringing it out and hiding it once more. He checked the shower to see if there was any blood that didn’t get washed away. He left once sure there no evidence. 

 

When he returned to his room, the boys were just getting up, stretching groggily. Mikey walked over to him, and gave him a bear hug before pecking him on the lips.

 

“Morning, Gee.”

 

“Morning, babe,” Gerard replied.Gerard went into the kitchen, and began making God’s gift to the world -coffee- while the others got dressed. Mikey came down first and flopped on the couch, waiting for the other’s to join him. Gerard plopped down beside him. It wasn’t long for the others to join. They were soon all gathered together in the living room, each nursing a mug of coffee.

 

“What should we do for breakfast?” Mikey asked, looking at Gerard in discrete. Oh, great, now I have to worry about food, he complained.

 

“Wanna go out?” Ray asked.

 

“I’m up for that,” Frank replied. Gerard shrugged in feigned indifference. Inside, Gerard was a mess. There were so many opportunities to be caught, not just of his disorder, but of his destructive habit. Gerard was on the verge of a mental meltdown. He could feel the palms of his hands begin to sweat, and he was shaking, though not noticeably.

 

“Sure,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title lyrics are my own


	12. No Turning Back Picking Up Where We Left Off

It wasn’t long before they were seated in an iHop, waiting for their hopefully fluffy and delicious pancakes. Nowadays you can’t be sure what to expect. Gerard sat next to Mikey, hand in hand, sipping on a glass of diet coke. He was still thinking of ways to try to get out of the situation and was coming to a blank. He held his phone with a shaky grasp and was trying to calm himself by taking deep breaths. This was a bad situation for him and he knew it. He was seriously contemplating just eating and excusing himself to the bathroom after. He wouldn’t eat that much, just enough to not raise suspicions. This would appease Mikey and the other two wouldn’t suspect a thing. He decided this was the best option.

 

He stared off into space, staring at nothing in particular. He wasn’t looking forward to eating at all. This was all Mikey’s fault. If he didn’t mention food, he wouldn’t be in this situation. When he saw the waitress moving towards them with an armful balancing four plates filled with food, he felt his throat constrict and his stomach drop. She danced around several of her customers who were making their leave after getting a delicious meal and a full belly before she finally made it to them. He looked at the food in her hands in disgust, his stomach already churning from the thought have having to eat it. How many calories were in those pancakes? Too many. Too much sugar. He’ll get even fatter than he already was. He couldn’t let it happen. Not after all the hard work he had put into to achieve the weight he had already loss.

 

When a plate of pancakes was set in from of him, he glared at it in utter revulsion and scrunched his nose slightly before quickly composing himself and slapping on a smile on his face. He was grateful no one noticed, not even his brother. He hesitantly picked up his fork with a shaky hand and wiped off the mound of butter on the pancakes. It was too many excess calories that he knew he could - and will - avoid. He tentatively cut into one of his pancakes with his fork and stared at it for a few seconds in fright before slowly bringing it to his mouth and chewing on it. He knew he couldn’t keep eating this slowly or else it would look unnatural. He took a deep breath before cutting a large chunk off his pancake and shoved it in his mouth. He forced himself to chew and swallow as he shuddered in revulsion. He could already feel the burning in the back of his throat from the bile that rose out of his stomach. He swallowed it back down, took a sip of his soda, and kept trudging along. He managed to eat a quarter of his meal before he couldn’t do it any longer.

 

“I’m done if you guys would like to fight for the rest of my meal. I need to use the restroom,” he said as he motioned to get up. Just before he left, his brother stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“I’m proud of you,” he said softly so that the other boys couldn’t hear him. Gerard smiled at him tensely.

 

“Thank you.” Even he could hear the strain in his voice as he thanked his brother. He could feel his stomach get more and more upset as the unwanted food settled in his stomach. He quickly made his way to the restroom and locked himself in a stall. He fell to his knee and shoved two fingers down his throat. He spilled everything he ate into the toilet. He did it once more time to make sure he got everything out before he pulled up and wiped his mouth on a piece of toilet paper. He took a few deep breath, calming his heart as he felt the satisfaction that all the food he had eaten had been purged. He pulled himself up and flushed the toilet.

He walked out of the stall and went for a sink. He washed his mouth out of any of the remnants of puke before he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot and his greasy, black hair was everywhere in a mess. His cheeks looked hollow and his skin was pale. He sighed to himself as he looked himself in the eyes. They looked so hollow and dark. Whatever spark that used to be there when he was little was completely diminished. He looked like a man who was done with what life was throwing at him. They were empty. He was empty. He was nothing. Shaking off these feelings, he splashed water on his face. Using his wet hands, he tried to somewhat tame his wild hair before going back out to meet the boys. Slapping on a smile on his face, he walked out of the bathroom with a bulletproof façade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When We Were Strong by Get Scared


	13. Not A Chapter, But A Request

Hey, everyone! I'm really happy to have all of you as my reader. Your support helps me get through and write this story (I've enjoyed this story immensely). I dream of publishing a book and I'm starting one on Wattpad. I was wondering if you guys would go and check it out? I only have the prelude out at the moment, but would like to see what people think of it. That and the fact that other people won't really be able to see it without favorite. It would mean the world if I could get some feed back on it.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/62540897-a-dying-flower-that-never-got-a-chance-to-bloom

Here's the link if you want to read. Again, thank you all for your support! I couldn't have had the power to do this without all of you!

**Author's Note:**

> Title Cred.- Two Birds, One Stone: Drop Dead Gorgeous


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